Never Pennyless

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

iPod Cases You Sell Your Sole For

Get ready for a hell of a time with these devilish iPod Nano cases from Rockstar. The silicone cases feature demonic faces, horns and even a pointy tail. Load them up with your favorite worship MP3s. Available in red or black. [link]

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

JC Fashions


JC Penney is offering a line of "Jesus Wear" marketed to teens. You don't suppose the JC now stands for Jesus Christ? [link]

Monday, November 28, 2005

HOT? NOT!!


Let me interrupt this joyous season with a midlife crisis! I work with youth. I tell them over and over not to tie their self esteem, self confidence to their "looks". To make the point, a friend and I dared each other to post our pics at HotorNot.com. Well...not only am I NOT hot, ugly women got higher "hot or not" ratings than me! Shriveled up old grannies scored higher! If my ratings fall any lower I'm going to be in the RED! I know I'm begging to SEE red!

Have I learned anything from this? Yes. I've been living in denial...and God has a warped sense of humor.

Go ahead. Cast a vote...or not. Here is the direct [link] to my voting page but you probably won't go see it.

My friend Marvin the Robot warned me there'd be millenniums like this.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Master of Evil Nutcracker


Emperor: The son of Skywalker must not become a Nutcracker.

DV: If he could be turned, he would be a powerful ally.

Emperor: Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?

DV: He will join us or die, my master.


Does Luke Skywalker turn to the nutty side? Stay tuned!

[link]

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Master of Evil Spreads Christmas Cheer


Darth Vader is dressed in his holiday best with a sparkling red Vader suit and carrying his own...Christmas wreath? The 2005 Holiday Darth Vader is sure to dumfound any Star Wars fan.

DV: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to Father Christmas.

Luke: He told me enough. He told me you killed him.

DV: No. *I* am Father Christmas.

Luke: No. No. It's not true. That's impossible.

DV: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Luke: Nooooo. Nooooo.

[link]

Friday, November 25, 2005

Cardboard Box Still # 1 Toy!

Today is the OFFICIAL start to the Christmas (yes, CHRISTMAS. I refuse to be politically correct.) shopping season. Now through Christmas I will be highlighting this season's unique offerings.

The CARDBOARD BOX was inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame last week along with Candyland and Jack-In-The-Box. And why not, It's the perfect toy... cheap, adaptable, comes fully assembled and doesn't require batteries. The best part is mom doesn't freak when you write all over it and dad doesn't lecture you about the how hard he worked for that box when you trash it during a commando raid. [link]

What's your favorite "box" memory?

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Jesus Loves Me: Varous Artists

A beloved children's song sung using fragments of well-known songs. Type in the lyrics from your favorite Christmas song and e-mail me the results. [link]

[E-Mail Penny]

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Bird By Any Other Name


In Turkish the bird is called hindi which means "coming from India"; likewise the French dinde ("from India").

In the Hebrew language the turkey is called tarnegol hodu, which literally means "Indian chicken"

In Catalan it is called gall dindi, literally meaning "Indian chicken"

The Dutch word is kalkoen derived from the city Calicut in India, likewise Danish kalkun, and Swedish kalkon.

In Portuguese the word for turkey is peru which also refers to the country Peru.

In Arabic it is called "Ethiopian bird."

In Colloquial Egyptian Arabic it is called the "Greek Bird"

In Greek it is gallopoula which means "French girl" or "French bird"

In Scottish Gaelic it is called cearc frangais, meaning "French chicken".

In Japan the turkey is called shichimencho and in Korea chilmyeonjo, both of which translate as "seven-faced bird". This is said to reflect the ability of the bird, particularly the male, to change the form of its face depending on its mood.

In Chinese it is called huoji which means "fire chicken", named after the color of the head.

[link]

Monday, November 21, 2005

Turkey Made of Jell-O®?


Mold actually taken from a cornish game hen, but then again a true turkey-sized Jell-O® mold would be a bit overwhelming. Includes is a recipe for realistic flesh-tones, which involves adding condensed milk for opacity and a specific mixture of peach Jell-O flavor and green food coloring. Those of vegan persuasion could produce similar results with something like agar-agar (non-animal-based jelling agent) and soy milk (to create the cloudy, opaque look that fools the eye). [link]

Me? I'll be eating a real, dead bird. Life size. Cooked for hours in it's own juices until it's golden brown and falling off the bone. Being a flesh-eater has it's advantages.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Personals Gone To The Birds


NEW YORK (Reuters) - She's a small-breasted beauty from a good family in the American Midwest who enjoys spending time outdoors. She eats only natural foods, is drug- and disease-free and her video can be found on the Internet.

She's no pin-up...she's what's being served for dinner! [link]

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Go Stand ON The Corner Young Lady!


EDMOND, Okla. -- Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl a lesson. She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents are preparing me for my future. Will work for food." [link]

Now if you can't get the girl to school or to work on her homework how one earth did mom get her to stand on a street corner...and do you REALLY want to open up that path to her future?

Friday, November 18, 2005

You CAN take it with you



Pack your bags for heaven! Psalm 91:11 tells us that we are accompanied by angels whereever we go. Well, tell those angels to grab your Christian Dior Luggage Set adorned with these lovely Nickel Plated Luggage Tags engraved with Psalms 91:11 on them. Maybe YOU can't take it with you, but there's no reason why the Angel of Death can't carry it for you. [link]

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Stoned for Jesus

The people at Witness Rocks don't understand a lot about advertising, except that it's expensive, but they're confident that the Lord (or this blog) will bring people to their site who are willing to trade fists full of cash for pockets loaded with...rocks. At least THEY have a marketing plan, which puts them a step ahead of most of my clients. For a mere buck you can make Jesus the rock of your salvation or buy in bulk for your next stoning. [link]

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Starbucks Stirs Things Up

Coffee drinkers could get a spiritual jolt with their java in the spring when Starbucks begins putting a God-filled quote from the Rev. Rick Warren, author of the mega-selling The Purpose-Driven Life, on its cups. It will be the first mention of God in the company's provocative quote campaign, The Way I See It. Starbucks is including a disclaimer (“This is the author’s opinion, not necessarily that of Starbucks”) [link]

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

A Revival for your Body

Revive your TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT with these treatments from Tinity Cosmetics: Palm Sundae Hand Cream, Sole Saver Foot Cream and Blessed Balm for your lips. For a tub overflowing in milk and honey they have a complete line of bath products and for those of you not doing your part being the salt of the earth they carry a line of salt scrubs. Trinity Cosmetics foregoes the pricey super model for Mother Teresa...who as I recal didn't wear cosmetics yet somehow inspired their SHINEY HAIR RECIPE of two eggs mixed with milk poured over freshly washed hair. [link]

Monday, November 14, 2005

Scum of the Earth Church

The church for punks, skaters, ravers, goths, homeless...etc. You'll know you're welcome by it's name: Scum of the Earth Church. The site goes on to say that there are plenty of chruches for "normal people" and that they think they have a unique calling to...ahem...scum. "We are just aware of our need for God, as Scum of the Earth." [link]

How do you build up someone's self esteem by continuously calling him/her scum?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Jesus Goes Local

Where would Jesus bank? In a local bank of course!

According to Catherine Austin Fitts, former Assistant Secretary of Housing during Bush I and successful Wall Street investment banker, switching to your locally owned finanancial institution is the single most effective action consumers can take to clean up government and dirty money. She claims, "It's what Jesus would do." [link]

Saturday, November 12, 2005

JCs Girls Girls Girls

On the lap of the Lord. Beautiful christian women head to strip clubs to buy lap dances and a chance to preach one-on-one with exotic dancers. [link]

Friday, November 11, 2005

Jesus laughing at our troops?


Show your gratitude and voice your support for the men and women serving in the various branches of the US Military by sending them...a free picture of Jesus Laughing at them. [link]

By the way, I did a Bible search for "Jesus Laughed". No results. Nadda. Also nothing for "Jesus Smiled", "Jesus Smirked" nor "Jesus Joked". And yet we have examples of Jesus' wit all throughout the new testament. Take a look at Luke 6:42. If you don't ROFLOLWM after reading THAT, you don't know what humor is.

Besides, if God didn't have a sense of humor this blog would have been struck by lightening by now.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Jesus Dis-Hates Me This I Know...


The popular Sunday School Song is now translated into Klingon!

mumuSHa' Jesus, Dochvam vISov
muja'mo' joH'a' paq'a'
puqHompu' ghaj Jesus
puj puqpu' 'ej HoS Jesus

HIja' mumuSHa'
HIja' mumuSHa'
mumuSHa' Jesus
muja'ta' joH'a' paq'a'

Klingon doesn't have a word for 'love'. Rather, one says its opposite, sort of like dis-hate = love. Perhaps Klingons are so full of love that one only need note that so-and-so does not HATE me, to know they love you.

To hear a daily scripture reading in Klingon subscribe to A Klingon Word from the Word podcast. [link]

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

BREAKING NEWS: TV Sex Nearly Doubles

Sex scenes on TV have almost doubled since 1998, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation study released today.

According to the study of 1,000 hours of all genres of programming--excluding news, sports, and kids shows--across the four major broadcast nets, several top cable nets and a couple of stations, 70% of shows had some sexual content, averaging 5 sex scenes per hour.

That is up from 64% and 4.4 scenes per hour in 2002 and 6% and 3.2 scenes per hour in 1998.

In prime time, the percentage is 77% of shows and 5.9 sex scenes per hour, though again, a sex scene can include ones in which people talk about kissing. [link]

Which brings me to a quote made by a 16-year old in San Antonio, "Pornography is just part of the culture now. It's almost like it's not even porn."

Prayall

Suffering from temperment dissorders? One production company features a solution to such symptoms in an ad series created for churches. Churches buy the ads, add their contact information and voila they have an ad series guaranteed to increase the flock. A bundle of four ads is less than 2 grand, however :30 of airtime is going to set you back anywhere from 1/4 - 3/4 million...EACH time you run the ad. A hard sell to most church boards? Simply remind them "For best results pray all day and for stronger results pray all night." [link]

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

XXXChurch: The #1 Christian Porn Site

SAVE THE KITTENS

Every time you masturbate...God Kills a kitten! It started out in an email by an anonymous person and XXXchurch took it to a whole new level. First the video, then the T-shirt, and now even a song. I really don't see how this is helping the Christian community or anyone for that matter. [link]

SAVE THE YOUTH:

9 in 10 kids 8-16 yrs. have viewed porn online, mostly accidentally while doing homework (UK News Telegraph, NOP Research Group, 1/07/02)

Study of 4 million children aged 7-17 who surf the net, 29% would freely give out their home address and 14% would freely give out their email address if asked (NOP Research Group, 2002)

Adult industry says some traffic is 20-30% children (NRC Report, 2002)

89% of sexual solicitations of youth were made in either chat rooms or Instant Messages (Pew Study reported in JAMA, 2001)

1 in 5 youths received sexual solicitation or approach in last year (NCMEC, 2000)

53% of teens have encountered offensive web sites that include pornography, hate or violence. Of these, 91% unintentionally found the offensive sites while searching the Web (Yankelovich Partner survey, The Safe America Foundation; Sept. 30, 1999).

62% of parents of teenagers are unaware that their children have accessed objectionable websites (Yankelovich Partners study, Sept. 30, 1999).

Monday, November 07, 2005

Peer Pressure

Everyone who's anyone has a blog.

[sigh]

Blogging isn't a good idea. I mean you start a blog and soon it becomes just another OBLIGATION you have to keep up with. Soon you're feeling GUILTY because this blog thing has become yet another unfinished project. Like you could actually COMPLETE a blog. I may as well shove this right into the back closet along with all the other partially completed craft, scrapbook and sewing projects.

Like I have TIME to pop in here and share my brain with...with... WHO exactly is reading this?

I used to waste my time horizontally with a tv remote in my hand. Now I surf the web.

[Where's the spell check on this thing?]