Enjoy New Year's Eve a Second Longer

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Get ready for a minute with 61 seconds. Scientists are delaying the start of 2006 by the first "leap second" in seven years, a timing tweak meant to make up for changes in the Earth's rotation. [link]

Bloody Mary

Perhaps the most outrageous and offensive South Park episode of all time (and that’s really saying something), Bloody Mary, which first aired Dec. 7 as this season’s finale, was pulled from the network schedule after protests from the Catholic League. The episode in question featured a statue of the Virgin Mary spraying blood from her vagina.

The Catholic League reports, "Already, we are being deluged with hate mail that is as obscene as it is viciously anti-Catholic. All because we exercised our First Amendment right to request that Comedy Central not offend Catholics again! But we’re used to such things and will not be deterred." [link]

Are black people the result of a curse on Ham?

This and many other questions of "race" and "racism" are covered in Keven Ham's DVD, Only One Race, where Ham defends that there are no "white" or "black" people in the Bible...that the teachings of evolution brought about racism. Sign up for a free book and be sure to download the music MP3s by Buddy Davis (dinosaur sculptor and Gospel musician). [link]

Madana Wearing Delicate Veil of Latex For Sale in Catholic Weekly

WASHINGTON - An advertisement for a statue of the Virgin Mary veiled in a condom has embarrassed the publishers of the U.S. Catholic magazine America, and prompted some heated comment on Catholic Web sites.

America, a weekly run by the Jesuit order of priests, said in a statement it was embarrassed and offended by the ad, which it said had been published unknowingly in its December 5 edition.

The apparent prank by a London-based artist offered what he called the "Extra Virgin" statue for sale, "a stunning ... statue of the Virgin Mary standing atop a serpent wearing a delicate veil of latex."

A color photograph showed a statue of magenta-robed Mary, who according to Christian teaching was a virgin when she gave birth to Jesus, covered with a translucent but visible condom.

America's editors offered a statement of apology: "We were embarrassed to have readers call our attention to the offensive advertisement that escaped our unknowing eyes and appeared in the December 5 issue ... The offense was compounded when we learned in the advertiser's reply to a concerned reader that he had intended his art as an assault on Catholic faith and devotion.

"We have taken several steps to tighten our advance review of advertising and express our outrage to the artist."

The problem came about because America's editors only saw the ad in black and white before it was published, and the condom was not as evident, according to the magazine's associate editor, Rev. James Martin.

"When our ad person saw it in black and white, she didn't see anything," Martin said in a telephone interview. "When I got the magazine in color, I noticed the ad, I thought it was a little odd, but we regularly get ads for all sorts of strange religious art."

Another issue may be Catholic priests' unfamiliarity with what condoms look like.

"VEIL OF LATEX"

"We're Jesuits," Martin said. "I don't think you could have found anyone in the editors' room who has seen a condom." The mention of a "veil of latex" failed to register, he said.

Mother Theresa's Bun Stolen

NASHVILLE (Reuters) - Nashville police and residents were searching Monday for clues to the Christmas Day theft of a cinnamon bun that found unlikely fame for its resemblance to the late Mother Teresa's face.

The bun has been a draw for curious tourists since it was preserved and put on display in a glass case at the shop where it was discovered by a customer in 1996.

"What I can't figure out is why anyone would steal it," said the shop's owner, Bob Bernstein. "They can't sell it on eBay, it's not fit to eat, there was no ransom note and the police put its value at only $25 on their report."

Bernstein said the thief broke into the coffee house at 6 a.m. Sunday, and had smashed the glass case containing the bun, ignoring cash lying nearby.

Before her death in 1997, Nobel Peace Prize winner Mother Teresa wrote to Bernstein asking that her name not be used commercially. The pastry became known simply as the Nun Bun.

[link]

AFA Boycotts The Book of Daniel

Jack Kenny, the creator of NBC's new series The Book of Daniel, is a "practicing homosexual," according to an alert from the American Family Association. The main character is Daniel Webster, a drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her mid-day martinis. The Webster family is rounded out by a 23-year-old homosexual Republican son, a 16-year-old daughter who is a drug dealer, and a 16-year-old adopted son who is having sex with the bishop's daughter. At the office, his lesbian secretary is sleeping with his sister-in-law; AND in moments of great stress, Jesus (played by "Deadwood" alum Garret Dillahunt) turns up--in the passenger seat of Daniel's station wagon, in the bedroom hallway, outside the church--to offer his counsel. The show is set to air January 6. [link]

Happy Hannukka!

December 25th is also the first day of Hanukkah. Why not give your favorite Jew GOD IS A MOOG, a double album featuring recordings from 1968 to 1974 in which Gershon Kingsley attempts to fuse the machine and the divine, his creativity, the Moog, and a few Proverbs to record everything from meditations on identity and freedom to a rock opera for the Sabbath.

One critic calls th CD, "endearingly awkward".

GOD IS A MOOG t-shirts are available for night two of Hannukka.

I wish I new what a moog was.

[link]

Santa Killed by Drunk Driver

A POLICE force considered killing off Santa Claus as part of its festive anti-drink drive campaign. The suggestion of having Father Christmas killed by a drink-driver was made by Grampian Police. But it was eventually scrapped in favour of the slogan Cats have nine lives. You only have one [link]

Vegans Beware

Hunters (Gatherers) will appreciate this hands-on approach to Christmas cheer. [link]

Ah, Christmas Satire

This agency's Christmas card skewers groups calling attention to the notion that Christmas isn't for everyone. [link]

Just Like Mom Used to Make

In an effort to raise monies for two charities a soda manufacturer concocted flavors right from the holiday table: carbonated broccoli casserole, corn on the cob, turkey & gravy, salmon pate are just a few examples. [link]

Love My Mac

Make your own Mac Classic Christmas ornaments.

Give them to all your PC friends.

[link]

Breaking News: Santa Sighting x 40

WELLINGTON (Reuters) - Forty drunken Santas rampaged through central Auckland, stealing from stores and assaulting security guards, the New Zealand Herald reported on Sunday, in a protest against the commercialization of Christmas.

Police said some of the Santas threw beer bottles, one tried to climb the mooring rope of a cruise ship and a security guard was punched during the fracas.

"They came in, said 'Merry Christmas' and then helped themselves," convenience store staff member Changa Manakynda told the Herald, which reported the Santas also attacked a Christmas tree.

The event organizer, Alex Dyer, had warned the antics would only stop when someone was arrested, said the Herald, which linked the incident to "Santarchy."

Santarchy (www.santarchy.com) and online encyclopedia wikipedia (www.wikipedia.org) record protests going back around 10 years in the United States, with participants marking Christmas in anti-commercial manner involving street theater, pranks and public drunkenness.

Police said identification was a key issue as they tried to sort out which of the 40 men and women had done what.

"With a number of people dressed in the same outfit, it was difficult for any witnesses to confirm the identity of who was doing what," Senior Sergeant Matt Rogers told Reuters.[link]

Dear Christopher Walken

Brandeon Bird's job is to come up with stimulating art-related programs for students. Instead, he came up with "Letters to Walken" where primary school kids write a Christmas letter to Christopher Walken. [link]

Merry Christmas from Sears & Target

The American Family Association boycotted stores such as Sears and Target for not including "Merry Christmas" in their in-store promotion and retail advertising. The AFA dropped their boycott last week after both retailers relented and added "Merry Christmas" to their promotions. Which is worse; forcing a retailer to adhere to one particular religion over another or the politically correct insanity that got them there in the first place? [link]

You've Got AIDS!

LA County has launched a website that allows you to send anonymous e-mail to inform people that you've slept with that they might be infected with AIDS or another STD. Users send a free, unsigned electronic postcard with a standard, cold-hearted message thus avoiding an awkward conversation that so many would rather avoid after a one-night stand. Messages include:

You're too hot to be out of action
I got diagnosed with an STD since we played. You might want to get checked too.

Its not what you brought to the party, its what you left with
I left with an STD. You might have too. Get checked out soon.

Going through my address book and you're on the list
I got diagnosed with an STD and you might have been exposed. Get checked out.

Heads up...
I caught an STD since we messed around and you might have too. Please take care of yourself.

Who? What? When? Where?
It doesn't matter. I got an STD; you might have it too.

What's next? Anonymous postcards for hit-n-run victims? "My mechanic says I need body work after I left the intersection where you and I connected. You might want to have your body checked out too."

[link]

2006 Bible Porn Calendar

A German Protestant youth group has put together a 2006 calendar illustrated with erotic scenes from the Bible. The 12 re-enacted passages feature a bare-breasted Delilah cutting Samson's hair and a nude Eve offering an apple. The group says they wanted to represent the Bible in a way that would interest young people.

[link]

Panexa. The Drug of Choice this Holiday Season!

Panexa is proven to provide more medication to those who take it than any other comparable solution. PANEXA should not be used as a substitute for real human relationships; the tablets (and gel-coated caplets) are incapable of displaying any real emotion, and would prove to be dissatisfying friends or mates. Most side effects of PANEXA, or their sufferers, are usually short-lived, and are rarely so fatal that the remains can no longer be identified, provided good dental records are available. [link]

FREE Christmas Mashup CD Download

Perfect stocking stuffer! An album of mashups and unlicensed remixes of Christmas chestnuts by remix artists from the US and UK. All songs (mp3) and the cover art are downloadable for FREE. My favorites are the Christmas Massacre of Charlie Brown and Carol of the Burgers. [link]

Narnia Movie Promoters Pimp Church

Disney is trying to "buy" your church leader (pastor, rev, father, etc) by offering them a free trip to London and $1K in cash (which some would say is equivalent to 20 silver coins) just for mentioning Narnia in a sermon and submitting that sermon to Narnia Sermon Sweepstakes. No need to wait for the Holy Spirit to move, Disney provides their own sermons, sermon outlines and even put together PowerPoint slides at SermonCentral.com! Sign up for the free newsletter and every week a new ready-for-Sunday sermon will arrive in your in-box. [link]

Virgin Not so Virtuous

Virgin Mobile makes holiday controversy again with it's Christmas wrapping paper that depicts stylized angels kissing and sexually touching each other. The male angel is touching the female's breast, while the female angel has her hand on the male's genitals. When the ad campaign was announced last month, a senior manager at Virgin Mobile said the objective was "to build on the launch of our Hot Box. The theme is 'have a super hot holiday,' " Perhaps they should stick to snow angels and cold showers instead. [link]

A Christmas Gory

I work for an advertising agency. Every year we talk about designing our own Christmas card but send store-bought instead. Perhaps the people over at VIA should have done the same. Their remake of the cult classic "A Christmas Story" is...well...interesting. I wish I worked for an agency where we didn't have to worry about offending anyone. Man, I could really have some fun! [link]

"I Roll Joints w/Pages From My Family Bible"

People mail in their deepest darkest secrets on a hand made postcard and the webmaster posts the best of them on the website once a week. Be careful you might just find yourself in one of those posts. [link]

Submitted by Paul.

Chrismahanukwanzakah Reloaded

Virgin Mobile is trying to appeal to a "religeous" audience with a Hindu Santa Claus and a pair of Hasidic Jews. The TV commercial plays to the stereotypes, the website goes even further. [link]


It's okay if you're Muslim, a Christian or a Jew
It's okay if you're agnostic
And you don't know what to do
I'm holding Christmas celebration
With egg nog for lubrication
Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you
(And the pagans too!)
In some ways, we're all monkeys
Well maybe just a smidgen
I'm a gynecologist
(Now that's my kind of religion!)
Whose faith is right the right one? It's anybody's guess
What ____ camera phone for $50 less
Everyone's invited, it's planet-wide affair.
Hey! Isn't that Tiny Tim dancing in his underwear?
Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you.
Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah to you.

Good Grief!

You too can have a pathetic Charlie Brown Christmas with this exact replica from the famous cartoon, "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Posable branches allow you to choose between pathetic, kinda pathetic or super pathetic. For $24 you get plastic needles a single bulb and a rough wood base with reals splinters! [link]

Linus: Charlie Brown, you're the only person I know who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

A Wing & A Prayer

Tyson Foods recently began offering free downloadable prayer booklets on its Web site with mealtime words of thanks expressed across a variety of faiths, from Christian to Muslim. The move is seen as one that could become more common as marketers position themselves as faith friendly to connect with spiritual Americans.

Now that I am about to eat, O Great Spirit, give my thanks to the beasts and birds whom You have provided for my hunger, and pray deliver my sorrow that living things must make a sacrifice for my comfort and well-being. Let the feather of corn spring up in its time and let it not wither but make full grains for the fires of our cooking pots, now that I am about to eat.

[link]

The Cthulhu Circus

Blogger Joey Devilla found a trove of Family Circus cartoons mashed up with captions from HP Lovecraft's Cthulhu mythos. [link]

Porn for Bibles

Atheist Agenda, an atheist group at U Texas San Antonio, staged a "Porno for Bibles" event, where they gave free pornography to people who traded in religious scripture. [link]

Talking Jesus Action Figure

Imagine your child's joyous expression this Christmas as she opens up her new Talking Jesus Doll!! That's right! For only $24.95 you can completely objectify Jesus Christ within your child's mind's-eye into a small plastic figurine capable of a whopping six biblical sentences! Imagine the possibilities as your child reenacts "Jesus's forgiving of the Harlot" with the help of Disco Barbie! [link]

Jesus Flashed Me

Brighten up your crucifix with flashing red, yellow and blue lights! A mere 68 cents a piece if you order in bulk. [link]

What did Jesus Smell Like?

Cover up sinful and non-sinful odors with the Scent of Jesus. An American couple have created a scented candle based on biblical accounts of what Jesus smelled like...after the foot washing, I hope. Great gift idea for pastors, church secretaries and little old ladies with lots of cats. [link]

Submitted by petey boy.